How to be a narcissist?

I acknowledge this cartoon from the internet.

In his eighth principle, Thomas Leonard says: Become irresistibly attractive to yourself.

Many of us focus on being attractive to other people.  Our concern is primarily about what others think of us. If occasionally a small shrill inner voice tells us that we are not all there, we silence it with swift inattention.

Being worthy of oneself is not part of our primary agenda. Being worthy of others is.

From childhood, our caregivers nurture and condition us into seeking their approval. It is as if we move through life, all seven stages of it, with a note-book and pen requesting others to write us a testimonial. It starts with our mom and dad, spreads to family elders, later to teachers and then to every one who matters to us at that point in time.

Attention need is a disease. It robs us of our self-worth. We dance to other people's tunes, because we no longer respect ourselves.  We do not consider our own valuation of ourselves as valuable. Others must testify to good we are, to them, so hat they can manipulate us to fulfill their needs.

There is nothing wrong in helping others fulfill their needs. It's in fact our duty and obligation to help others. But, this duty must start with us. Charity does begin at home. We must ensure that we are full and fulfilled first. Only then can we fulfill others.

When we truly love ourselves, it is not narcissism. It is self-awareness.

In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we need to fulfill several layers of needs before we can reach the state of fulfilling ourselves. Maslow calls it self-actualization. This is a Western perception.

The Eastern perception reverses Maslow's pyramid. Everything starts with self-actualization. That is our purpose in life. Once we realize ourselves, all our needs are automatically fulfilled. We are left with no needs.

If one studies Maslow's hierarchy of needs carefully against the reality of life, it's easy to see that we never get over even our primary survival needs all through our lives. Each layer of need overlaps the other, despite Maslow's assertion that we cannot ascend his pyramid till we fulfill the needs of each stage.

However, if we start truly loving ourselves to begin with, we invert the pyramid and miraculously all our needs get fulfilled.

How to promote yourself?

I thank the internet source for this poster, even though this post is not self promotional!

Market your talents shamelessly, says Thomas Leonard in his seventh principle.

For many of us, self promotion is embarrassing. This is especially so in Eastern cultures. People in these cultures grow with belief in harmony and self-deprecation. To defer to others, especially to one's elders, is part of one's duty.

Even in the Western world where advertising is what sells, and every one successful person deserves a public relations agent, many try to believe that their success is due to innate talent rather than promotion.

Marketing one's talents is the skill of matching one's skills with the needs of others. It is also the ability to believe in oneself and confidently display that ability without losing faith in oneself.

Often, we give up half way. We know that we have what it takes, but the efforts seems too hard. It doesn't seem worth the effort to struggle so hard to showcase one's talent, when the going gets tough.

Understanding one's own strengths and promoting those strengths with conviction and faith differentiates those who succeed from the ones who fail. This understanding arises from self-awareness. The self-awareness comes from contemplation.

We take time from a busy day to oblige people and give them appointments. rarely do we value ourselves and give ourselves an appointment. How often have you sat down all alone and thought about yourself? When was the last time you seriously did an inventory of your strengths? How long ago was it that you planned a course that would wind through your strengths to a success that you have wished for and one that your talents deserve?

If not recently or never, why not? What have you been busy with lately?

Marketing your talents is not about seeking a PR agent. It is about discovering your hidden potential that needs to be unlocked.

That is what coaching is about.